The To Do List, a very unfortunate update

I'm happy to report that several items on the To Do List have been completed, although we still have a ways to go. Eva has lovely manicured fingers and toes, but Jackson still stinks like smarmy ocean and whatever he rolled in last weekend in the park. I peaked under the bedroom carpet hoping to find something resembling hardwood floors. I'm still not exactly sure what's under there, but it ain't wood. Everything else remains undone on the list except...washing the windows.

Although now we have a new item on the list: Replace broken window in Eva's room.


Kitty is nuts. Ferris calls her the Tasmanian Devil, especially when she cleans. Her house is spotless, and not because she can't stand a dirty house but rather because she enjoys doing anything that requires a project, planning, recipes, tools, skill, and the satisfaction of a job well done. She's a surgeon by trade and often reads Haley's Cleaning Hints in bed at night. It's her porn.

The plan was to remove the storm windows and screens from each window (3 in the kitchen, 3 in the living room) and clean them with a concoction of 1/4 cup white vinegar and 1/4 cup ammonia in a bucket of warm water, one of Haley's hints. Then we would clean the inside and outside of each window. No problem, except that most of the windows in our 1906 row house condo had not been opened since 1964 and had been painted shut 10 times over. So Ferris got some fancy tools, some magic spray, and lots of elbow grease and eventually pried them opened. We worked like a well-oiled machine. I washed the storm windows in the bathtub, Kitty washed the living room windows and Ferris washed the kitchen windows and then took Eva in the bedroom for a nap. I wanted to call it a very successful day, but Kitty (in all her manic glory) thought we should get Eva's room done while we were on a roll.

I knew it wasn't a good idea from the get go. Eva's window was the most stubborn of all having NEVER been opened since the dawn of time, but that didn't stop Kitty. She grabbed the tools and went to work while I sneaked into the back to warn Ferris. The following is the actual conversation leading up to 'the event'.

Me: (Quietly tapping on Ferris' shoulder, whispering) "Kitty wants to clean Eva's window."
Ferris: "Tell her it can't be opened. It's not that important."
Me: "I already told her. She's looking for tools."
Ferris: "I'm napping. Tell her we'll do it later."
Me: (Returning after checking on Kitty) "I need your help. Kitty's doing things with the tools."
Ferris: "Seriously?"
Me: "I'm afraid she's going to break the..."

CRASH, SMASH, CLANK!

On the bright side, at least we were finally able to pry Eva's window open.